The Big Red Dot

This week, I will be attacking some very important subject matter: "The Crimson Tide", "Aunt Flow", "My Friend", "The Monthly Visitor", "TOM" (Time of the Month), "The Rag", or as most normal women call it, "a royal pain in the ass!"

Menstruation is (plug your ears, boys) the monthly shedding of endometrium (the uterine lining), and an imperative part of the female reproductive system.  For us women lucky enough to have a period, it typically takes over our lives for about a week at time, and without fail, brings along its friends, cramping, bloating, cravings, sensitivity and bitchiness.  How lucky are we?  Now, don't get me wrong; this is not a man-hating, feminist article about how unfair it is to be a woman, or that women have it so much tougher than men; but I was having the most intellectual of intellectual conversations about "the big red dot" with the gals at work the other day, and they really had some great wisdom about this.  With their permission, I just had to share it with you...

To protect the innocent, the character's names have been changed.  Let me start with.....ummm...I'll call her, Jane.  Jane is a dear and wonderful friend/co-worker of mine.  She is full of wisdom about all sorts of fabulous things, including periods.  Jane seems to think that if men, too, had to shed their innards on a monthly basis, bleeding through a tampon in less than 30 minutes would constitute bragging rights.  Can't you hear it?  Mike says to Matt, "Dude, I had to change my tampon THREE times in an hour!!"  Then Matt says to Mike, "That's nothing, man, I went through six NIGHTTIME, extra-long maxi-pads last night!" 

I mean, seriously, I can only imagine the cool-potential of periods if our male counterparts experienced them, too.  Another key insight from Jane was the notion that our $10 per box tampons would be government subsidized if men and women both had periods.  I could probably afford a second mortgage if I didn't have to pay "period" premiums on all the crap we need just to make it through!  Midol would not only be sold over-the-counter, but could also be purchased at every hot dog stand and ice cream truck in the nation.  A standard work week would be Monday-Sunday for three weeks straight, and periods have the week off! 

Our conversation abruptly came to an end when one of our two male employees caught us at the water-cooler; well we don't actually have a water-cooler, just a double-carafe coffee maker which is just as important!

Until the next Sarcastic Sunday...keep the comments coming!

Yours truly,

Kerri J.